Color Before Character

Hey Welcome to Another Installment in the Spencer Hamilton Blog

Now that you've lent me your eyes, I'll get right to it

Okay, so today I was at a restaurant and I needed a ride home and sometimes a few of us stop at a restaurant and have a bite when we get paid. Portia who gets a ride home oftentimes gets dropped off steps away from me but when she moved a little further away Marnie takes us still. However, all of a sudden she has a problem and Portia and says that she didn’t want to say anything to me but when I told Bonnie—one of my friends who offered to drop me off at a bus stop because she was going in the opposite direction--I was going with the Marnie and Portia, all of a sudden she mentions that the Marnie said that she can’t take me, then I get home and find out that she said that she was intimidated by me to ever say anything.

Huh???? This is an established pattern and all of a sudden you’re intimidated by me? I talk about everything while you’re taking me home and all of a sudden you’re intimidated by me? I mean what the fuck? Every big black man ain’t Mike Tyson, and every black guy on trial ain’t Nelson Mandela!! I mean, whatever happened to being judged by the content of your character and by that I mean how I conduct myself.

I mean I feel it all comes down to one reality: I am a big black man, I mean I know that I wake up and stare at it everyday but if I never know I’m a big black guy prejudged by his color and his size then a situation like this comes  along to remind me: Hey, people who don’t know you or see you as a person see you as an ABM an angry black man. If I were white I doubt that I’d get that reaction from Marnie. IN fact, A Legislator Pat Gallavan basically dismissed me until I had to tell him what Supreme Court Precedent granted prisoners the right to marry each other, but still not have correspondence. I could even have told him the state it came out of…Missouri! But he was so wrapped up in “he’s black so he must be the help or the muscle” deal to realize that this black guy has a brain

See, people think racism is dead and I get it from white women who think I’ll choke a bitch to black women who wonder: Why do you talk like that. I can’t win! I’m like an oreo cookie that doesn’t like white or chocolate milk so I’m fucked

And even then I’m eroticized, which I kinda care about and don’t at the same time because hey it gets me laid, but the bigger part about that is the fact that I’m seen by black women as a waste of a dick since I’m not using it on them and an Uncle Tom because I don’t speak their language the way they do and by white women as a linebacker that will take their purse and beat them senseless

I heard a saying that if you’re a Jew and don’t know you’re a jew a non-Jew will be happy to tell you. Well, get that yellow star out or whatever you use for large black men because the moment I start hoping fantasizing that people see my character and not my color, that crazy color card comes out! They don’t even need the damn card, just stick it on my forehead why don’t ya!

I just hate knowing that I will be subjected to things like this because I’m black. Now I understand why those people wanted to be white. White men get away with crimes black people would be executed for. White men can move up if they prove themselves, white women have a lot of shit to climb through but they climb through it faster than black or Latino women do. This brings me to America where the women are saying how great it is to be in America and how buying on credit is so nice and the guys chime One look at us and they charge twice Women: Free to be anything you choose Men: Free to wait tables and shine shoes. Now I feel for Peola in Imitation of Life when she turns her back on her mom to await what White Life has to offer her, I even see to a small degree why Uncle Ruckus—no relation, praises White God.

And to think Color before Character—of course the only place character comes before color is the dictionary and I’m right now living proof of that. Like the time I was accused of breaking into a kid’s room when I was nowhere near the scene and the young lady told her mother firmly it’s couldn’t have been me!!!  

It’s hard to believe that racism is over when the only people who seem to think it are racist whites

Thanks for reading!!! I appreciate you!