The Definition of Family
I will forever wonder why people feel as if family is only defined by those who are related to us by blood or adoption. Adoption usually is a legal process in which a child under 18 becomes a part of your family, often called a forever family. Yet, I also say that this is not the only definition of adoption, because I've adopted people into my family and no legal paperwork has been filled out. It is because family to me is not solely defined on if we all look alike or are related by blood. I often found that family is a closeness, indicated by your willingness to become a part of a family, like church, fraternities, sororities, groups of people who have one or or more things in common and are active in their lives on a consistent basis.
I have to say that I have family that folks at the American Family Council would say are not my family. As crazy as my Lovey's family is, I consider them family only because I'm there and I'll have to deal with them if Darryl and I are going to be together. When I went to VA with my best friend and his ex, there were so many people who were introduced as Aunts and Uncles who bore no relation to her Mother or Father but she called them Aunts and Uncles. There is another woman I worked with who has 13 brothers and always wanted a sister, so her Dad's best friend who also had a daughter and grew up with her as sisters, call each other sisters and what do they call the other Father--Uncles!
Another example is in a dear friend's past and currently. I call Kitty Lambert-Rudd and Cheryle Lambert-Rudd The Grandmas. I remember getting a stinging rebuke that my Grandma wouldn't like me calling them that but as years have went by, I am convinced that they were sent my way and Grandma would love them because she loves people and would like the positive value that they have had in my life, pushing me toward law school--which is where I am headed--and 'Grandma Upping' on me when I need to 'straighten up and fly right' and in the past of Grandma Kitty, there were two Civil War Widows who raised a family together and they raised 2 dozen children together because they would fail on their own, so they did what they needed to do, and when one of the women died after finding out her husband died, the one left did the best she could with all those kids, a few were married off in the meantime. Many children of the Civil War were raised by their Father's war buddies and today we see this a lot with Grandparents as well as extended family or people that are left with someone who has a connection with the child and are able to take care of them. My sister says that if anything ever happens to her she wants my niece to be raised by me. I am sure, and am hoping that it never comes to that.
So what is the notion of family and why are people like the AFA and Traditional Values Coalition fighting so hard against families that are non traditional? Well, we'd have to go into what is a traditional family, the traditional family is in fact described above, the family is not an insular structure that is only supported by the people in it, but it needs help from outside and friends and extended family. I also have Cousins, Uncles (The Collins Family whose matriarch I call Auntie Mayrine and respectively I call her children Auntie and Uncle and I look at that as an outgrowth of my family too) who wouldn't fit the definition of family that AFA decides is the ONLY definition of family. However, noting the idea that family is not solely an insular institution and given the definition of family above, they are not fighting for the American Family, but a narrow definition that is not realistic.
Gay Families I believe fit into this mold because of the simple fact that I feel that in a court custody case, if the judge is not prejudiced against gays and lesbians, he/she will see that the best interests of the child is in fact with BOTH of their same sex parents, they had a term for the connection to both parents in a book I read but since forgot it. But the fact is that if the definition of family existed outside society and didn't have ohter non family family members in it, we could say that the AFA family was in fact the ONLY definition, when in fact a traditional family included slaves, maids, butlers, etc and not just the Lord, Lady and Young Lord and Young Ladies of the House. When courts deny recognition of adoption rights to gay couples they are enforcing a definition of family that is not at all a real definition of how we form families of extended individuals we take in as family in our everyday lives. However, the insular family is a unit but it is not a sole unit upon which life has no effect. What I guess I am trying to say is simply that family extends beyond our blood, and whoever said blood is thicker than water was a complete idiot and I would like to beat him/her down when I see them because blood is no thicker, there are many people I consider closer to me than my actual family, but that doesn't discount my 'core' family any.
Hope you Enjoy!
Terry
I have to say that I have family that folks at the American Family Council would say are not my family. As crazy as my Lovey's family is, I consider them family only because I'm there and I'll have to deal with them if Darryl and I are going to be together. When I went to VA with my best friend and his ex, there were so many people who were introduced as Aunts and Uncles who bore no relation to her Mother or Father but she called them Aunts and Uncles. There is another woman I worked with who has 13 brothers and always wanted a sister, so her Dad's best friend who also had a daughter and grew up with her as sisters, call each other sisters and what do they call the other Father--Uncles!
Another example is in a dear friend's past and currently. I call Kitty Lambert-Rudd and Cheryle Lambert-Rudd The Grandmas. I remember getting a stinging rebuke that my Grandma wouldn't like me calling them that but as years have went by, I am convinced that they were sent my way and Grandma would love them because she loves people and would like the positive value that they have had in my life, pushing me toward law school--which is where I am headed--and 'Grandma Upping' on me when I need to 'straighten up and fly right' and in the past of Grandma Kitty, there were two Civil War Widows who raised a family together and they raised 2 dozen children together because they would fail on their own, so they did what they needed to do, and when one of the women died after finding out her husband died, the one left did the best she could with all those kids, a few were married off in the meantime. Many children of the Civil War were raised by their Father's war buddies and today we see this a lot with Grandparents as well as extended family or people that are left with someone who has a connection with the child and are able to take care of them. My sister says that if anything ever happens to her she wants my niece to be raised by me. I am sure, and am hoping that it never comes to that.
So what is the notion of family and why are people like the AFA and Traditional Values Coalition fighting so hard against families that are non traditional? Well, we'd have to go into what is a traditional family, the traditional family is in fact described above, the family is not an insular structure that is only supported by the people in it, but it needs help from outside and friends and extended family. I also have Cousins, Uncles (The Collins Family whose matriarch I call Auntie Mayrine and respectively I call her children Auntie and Uncle and I look at that as an outgrowth of my family too) who wouldn't fit the definition of family that AFA decides is the ONLY definition of family. However, noting the idea that family is not solely an insular institution and given the definition of family above, they are not fighting for the American Family, but a narrow definition that is not realistic.
Gay Families I believe fit into this mold because of the simple fact that I feel that in a court custody case, if the judge is not prejudiced against gays and lesbians, he/she will see that the best interests of the child is in fact with BOTH of their same sex parents, they had a term for the connection to both parents in a book I read but since forgot it. But the fact is that if the definition of family existed outside society and didn't have ohter non family family members in it, we could say that the AFA family was in fact the ONLY definition, when in fact a traditional family included slaves, maids, butlers, etc and not just the Lord, Lady and Young Lord and Young Ladies of the House. When courts deny recognition of adoption rights to gay couples they are enforcing a definition of family that is not at all a real definition of how we form families of extended individuals we take in as family in our everyday lives. However, the insular family is a unit but it is not a sole unit upon which life has no effect. What I guess I am trying to say is simply that family extends beyond our blood, and whoever said blood is thicker than water was a complete idiot and I would like to beat him/her down when I see them because blood is no thicker, there are many people I consider closer to me than my actual family, but that doesn't discount my 'core' family any.
Hope you Enjoy!
Terry
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