My problem with a lot of anti childfree articles

As I've discovered the childfree community I've decided to look at some articles geared toward being "anti childfree" to get a glimpse into what they think as well as how the discussion tends to be framed. I came away with some things I found problematic about these anti childfree articles

Having a child doesn't guarantee that your 
family will visit you when you're in a nursing home at times other than Thanksgiving and Christmas

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1. They zoom out focusing on society, not inward about personal choice

 It is MY decision whether to have a child or not. Society doesn’t get to make that decision for me. Society won’t be there for the 2am bottle feedings, Society won’t relieve a tired Mom when she’s burned out. SOCIETY won’t take my husband out on a date when we get tired of parenting and just want to be ourselves. SOCIETY won’t babysit for me, so why does SOCIETY get to pressure me into having a child because they’re falling below replacement rate. There are a lot of things SOCIETY can do to incentivize having children and getting married, especially the US. However, people who don’t ever want to get married will not, and those who don’t want kids usually will not.

It seems that this meme poster automatically think that 
parents are moral based solely on their choice to have kids 

Personal Choice matters here, and the only one society  likes is when I add another taxpayer to the pool, and then call me selfish when I refuse.

2.     Lots of assumptions

Childfree people according to some are: Selfish, child haters, anti natalists, hedonists, lesbians & man haters, rich (DINK—double income no kids)

 

First, even if childfree people are selfish one thing remains: They have put a lot of thought into not having children. 

It doesn’t take a lot of thought to have a child. Child haters is a terrible one because having a child of your own isn’t the only way to experience the love of a child. Anti natalists likely bleed over into childfree because of the fact that pregnancy is a scary thing and the changes in the body might be an undertaking that some women don’t care for. Let’s face it, parenthood and pregnancy are painted with such a rosiness that the dangers get dismissed and minimized.

3. Childfree People are Hedonists. 

Definiton 
the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence. 
the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life. 

As if Childfree people aren't teachers and have jobs that invest into our youth.
Parenting isn't the only way to care for children

 

So, are we really saying that children will change a narcissistic person inot a lovable parent? This likely springs from the fact that parents see CF folks generally as selfish. Honestly, am I supposed to feel bad about experiencing and enjoying life without children of my own? Frankly, I don't have any guilt over it and I refuse to.

 

Lesbians & Man Haters, not necessarily because heterosexual women are childfree, and there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian and being lesbian doesn’t make you a misandrist, I’m sure some are but that has nothing to do with being childfree. The "Man Hating Lesbian" is a way for misogynists to duck responsibility for examining their misogyny. Oppressors always make the targeted the problem, then the targeters. 

 

Double Income, No Kids—I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from social media about childfree couples being told they need to buy gifts for their nieces and nephews or for everyone citing their childfree status. No one is entitled to your money, time or anything and it is a crappy thing to do to your childfree relatives. Just because their responsibilities doesn’t include children doesn’t mean they don’t have responsibilities. Also, so many times they are expected to cover for parents in workplaces

 

I also ran across an article that called childfree an “ideology”. It is not, it is simply the choice not to have children. Some reasons for not having children may sound alike, but there is no binding beliefs people have to have in order to be childfree except the desire to not have kids of your own. Some even take that further and say “No stepkids” That is a choice they make and people are more than able to make decisions free of pressure from others.

 

3.     4. Not written to promote understanding

 Most of these articles aren’t written to understand why someone would be childfree, it is often to discount childfree people and undermine our choice. It is not written to say “I understand why someone will make that choice” it’s all about saying that children are the best thing that ever happened to them, so it’s the best thing that can happen to EVERYONE.

 

They’ll pay lip service to making a choice about adding children to their family, but at the end of the day it is conformist propaganda that makes childfree women especially feel like they haven’t thought it through. Most CF people end up thinking about it a lot because of the fact that it is against the current.  

 

Propaganda 

4.   5.  Parenthood is rosy

 

It is what I call the “Saintification of Parents” having lived on this planet, as soon as someone says they are not having kids parents automatically become perfect people who are the most patient, kind, and attentive people that ever walked the Earth

We know the truth is far different from that. There are abusive parents that have pushed their children into being childfree, there are narcissistic, self-absorbed, terrible parents that people think should never have had kids. SO why does this change when a woman foregoes motherhood? It’s because they’re now on a team in which they can root for and every parent is suddenly good because they have children. Somehow, your choice to parent is under the microscope and you must defend it even though that’s not really what’s happening.

 

Kids can put a strain on parental relationships, 
but I feel that there are deeper issues here than having kids (being fair)

Every regret you had about parenting is gone, you are now Parent Defender ESQ. Gone is the fact that you had children to make a bad relationship better and that failed. Gone is the fact that you were pressured into having kids, gone is the fact that you solely define yourself as a parent and don’t know who you are anymore. Gone is the fact that your mental health has taken a hit because all of your focus is on your kids, Gone is the fact that you put yourself on the back burner

 

Suddenly you’re defending parenthood to those who don’t want to be parents. For what? To convince yourself it isn’t all that bad because you’ve grown accustomed to it and the frame of reference you once had with CF people is now gone.

 These are four things I had to talk about when it comes to “Anti Childfree” articles and blog posts. It shows a high handed superiority complex that some of these writers have because of the instant nobility that society gives the status of a parent.

Conclusion

For me, my happiness doesn’t include having children of my own. It is not societally acceptable to say it or be happy about it. Something must be wrong with me foregoing parenthood or else I’d have kids running around. But what if I simply rejected the familiar script. They say that the choice of partner to marry is the most important one you’ll make in your adult life…Bullocks! Having kids is the biggest choice because they are a lifelong responsibility even after they leave the house.