The Taming of the Luke (Straightening Luke's Hair)

The Taming of the Luke

 This is based on a video from The Monastero Twins here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9lWJxZbnRg

Film Noir Style....

She walked into my office, with a red hat, dress, coat and pumps. She was statuesque and had legs that could make a giraffe jealous, I could tell she was crying as she dabbed her eyes delicately to prevent mascara running down her face. I didn’t want her looking like Tammy Faye when she could feel the Lord RIP America’s campiest woman. With my eyes on her, I took my feet off my desk and opened a bottle of Ginger Ale…Vernor’s that was the only way to go, Canada Dry…tastes like Seltzer Water with a touch of fizz. She had deep chocolate brown skin that looked amazing in a shimmering sun, as if it kissed her intimately and left his mark for all to know who was his. She motioned to the chair in front of my desk and I nodded as she took her seat

“What can I do for you Good Lady?” I asked, putting a straw in the can and sitting back

“I’m glad chivalry isn’t dead” She replied, smiling

“Well chivalry talks mostly about battle etiquette but most modern folks know nothing of it” I said, pleased with myself

“Don’t rain on my parade again Gumshoe” I looked down at my shoes. No gum, good “I need you for an important case. We’ve tried everything, hot oil treatments, leave in conditioner, Tea Tree Oil all of it” Why was she talking about hair products? “We need to…tame the Luke” She handed me a picture of a cute red-headed slight scrawny young man. He’s cute I thought

“I know, he is” She said, tipping her head toward me, still dignified

“What? You can read my thoughts now? You with the NSA?” I shot back, shooting her a side glance

“You were thinking out loud, very loud.” She held my sarcasm toe to toe; I liked her…but not like that

“I tend to do that sometimes” I said “So what do you need me for? I’m a gumshoe in a big town with small values and I’m waiting on a big case. Why should I waste my time with something from Tangled?” I sipped my Vernor’s as a pregnant pause began, and then it got even more awkward…until I finished the can…man, she’s stubborn…or maybe it’s me

“Well, maybe you can find something we can’t” she said finally “Maybe he’ll listen to you”

“Why would he listen to me? I’m dressed like Humphry Bogart while everyone else looks like they’re in the Bahamas”

“It’s cold out, it’s the middle of December” She laughed…she had a great smile and it made me think of the other noir films I wanted to watch with beautiful ladies in…well, distress

“So what do we do? Where do we start?” I asked I could use the money, even this cramped office cost money to maintain…okay so it was $100/month and I made out like a bandit. After all, I needed all these noir clothes to sell my Detective persona

“Why don’t you take a ride with me?” Her white gloved hands “We need to talk to him first”

“Can I see that picture again?” I asked Wow he was cute “He looks like he needs a weed whacker to tame that hair!” I said out loud

“Maybe a chainsaw” she said

“I don’t want to kill him, we’ll talk about the details and my fee” I said, slyly feeling like well…not Sherlock Holmes, maybe Hercule Poirot…then again I might just be Encyclopedia Brown, I for one am no Conan Edogawa or Perry Mason…yet

We pulled up to the house where this friend of hers lived with his twin brother and parents. It was raining outside and I couldn’t tell where in the world that jazz music was coming from…I hope it’s not copyrighted so I can use it on Youtube and they won’t mute it. Well, I can’t monetize my channel anyway; it was time for an intervention. Luke needed to know that at any time his hair would cause him to be scalped on a roller coaster if the wheels ran over it…that sounds like painful. But the truth can also be…very painful…

I found out a little bit about this lovely Dame who got me here. Her name is Karen, and she grew up in a dignified suburb of Atlanta with a middle class black family of a doctor and a CPA. She was well adjusted for a rich girl; she had her own house and met the twins at an alumni weekend event at their college. She said they went on a whim and Luke is studying her major so they bonded right away. She’d been featured on their Youtube Channel, the Monastero Twins..thankfully they’re fraternal..I can’t imagine having to choose from two Lukes…anyway…here I am. I got out first and ran to her side of the car, as she got out I got the umbrella right over her head. We ran briskly up the steps both of our shoes klip klopping on the pavement as we rushed hurriedly up the stairs and hit the doorbell. I looked around amazed at how beautiful the house was and the rain that just seemed to bathe the Earth in its purifying waters.

“Hey Karen, this the detective?” A gentleman of about 19-20 answered with hair that seemed to stand up on its own, he had a nice looking face and an athletic kind of build he reached his hand out to me “I’m Adam, Luke’s brother” he said “He needs an intervention, I just don’t know why she brought a detective…why are you dressed like a noir detective?” He asked, I guess the 4^th wall isn’t only broken but demolished

“Where’s your brother?” I asked

“Luke!” Adam shouted nearly waking the dead. I hope all dead Lukes don’t show up here after that. I turned as I heard steps coming down the steps

“What’s up?” Luke said, he was cuter than his picture and suddenly I heard a bloodcurdling scream in his direction….okay maybe it was sound effects but I digress, wait…maybe it was because of his hair…I think we will need a chainsaw to tame that beast…will it get stuck? Luke laughed and took of the massive afro that could only be described as something Ludacris used in Stand Out. Maybe all it needed was a match. What am I doing here? I thought This story makes no sense at all, if this were a movie I’d be Cinema Sinning right now because Karen could just use a flat iron and be done with it…but hey I got some extra money for dealing with a small case of the Curly Haired blues

An hour later, Adam had an idea for what he wanted to do so Luke wouldn’t weasel out of at least straightening his hair. Do it on YouTube, so he invited his friend John over while we went out and got a flat iron. I was still partial to the straightening comb, but it would’ve taken at least an hour and truth be told I can’t tell you how many times my sister was burned with one of those combs. It worked though. Adam and Luke set up the film and we were off while I sat behind the scenes with a comfy chair…like Hitchcock or Spielberg..with a few cans of Vernor’s because…well beer sucks

So there it was: action time and a guy named John who looked more like Luke’s twin than Adam does took the bush by storm, it was agonizing with Luke screaming in horror as his curly hair was subdued with heat and a strong yank…ok it wasn’t that bad but I gotta keep up the dramatic effect. Afterward, his hair was fuller and looked better framed to his face. I felt like I’d been watching a makeover and even got to film it. I guess I’d have to go and do something useful since I was only sitting there CinemaSinning.

 “You look nice Luke” I said, tipping my hat to him

 “You too, in an old black and white kind of way” he smiled at me, I had a fangirl moment but needed to keep my cool. I kept a goofy smile on my face though, why you say? Because I have a pulse…We talked for a little while and I wanted it to go on forever…until my cab pulled up

 “It was nice meeting you Luke” I said, with that doofy grin on my face

  “You on facebook?” He asked, I gave him my card.

As I got into the cab I sat and thought about that the scene I had just witnessed