TrainwRex Review: Frat House/Sweet Hideaway (2003)

I discovered this on tubi under the title Frat House, but learned it also has another name Sweet Hideaway (you'll see why I think it's cringey later). It is written, directed by and starring Patrick McKnight. Let's get this show on the road before I get yeeted by the giant Getting Over It Snake back to the beginning


Our story starts at a pawn shop where all the rednecks congregate and Ducktape played by Ricky Smiley is hanging around the store because script and unfunny one liners. Detective Dick Johnson knows Ducktape and gets him to go with him to investigate a phony credit card ring



Price Brown is our main character. He complains that the last credit card he used got cancelled after a week, and is given a new one for Dick Johnson. His first purchase is some jewelry totaling $2,902.62. Upon leaving, he bumps into our Buckaroo and we know that it's the just missing eachother cliche. The next scene is redundant just with Dick Johnson



Auntie I'm home: Exposition Dump! Okay, so we mentioned Andre and Price gets to the favor he needs. Po Po looking for me, I need to get outta dodge.












Now out of dodge, he is greeted by Shawn looking like he's about to be late for a People of Wal-Mart video.

Hi Pri--I mean, Tay! You got a new name! And this is a gay frat let me show you to your room

Hey. Andre, why you over here bustin booties? I'm telling Auntie!
Price, she knows already Boo yah! Tell her that Bit!



House mates are:
Shawn, Creeper
Mother, President of the Frat
Boa, he wears one
Footballer,
Hazer, Footballer's Boyfriend and
Paris, the cook of the house


Price: Why didn't you tell me your housemates are the F word
Andre: You're in my world now, or would you rather be a Prison Bit?

Hey! Here's a welcome basket! I left a key to my room if you ever need anything. Price takes a nap



So the cat and mouse continues, Price tries to land some nookie with a woman that thinks he's Tiger Woods, that fails and later Price muscles his way to trying out for the football team with a coach that I think is Ezal from Friday. He's got a potty mouth and he's supposed to be funny, he's not just like the rest of the so called comedy in the "film"  I originally meant the Ezal thing as a joke but it turns out it actually IS Ezal from Friday, a much funnier film



The other stuff is just hyjinks in order to fill out the runtime including Price white friend Fish in a darkened room with Shawn, and using him as a punchline to drive Fish away. Shawn also tries to ambush Price in the shower and it's not funny, that's creepy and harassment. Honestly, I'm surprised Terry Crews' Damon didn't come out and show Shawn how to take the man you want. Further I just can't with Andre playing it off as the price of admission to a gay frat house

Oh and Price finally gets a girl and Boa finds out Price isn't gay. Price helps out Mother when he's confronted in a fight whose setup is contrived for the sake of the movie.




Price tries out for the Football team and inspires Footballer. See, Footballer didn't think that he could be a gay man and on the football team. Now, this resonates a bit because lots of professional athletes came out AFTER their career is over and most gay professionals came out later in their career because let's face it they had a lot less to lose.

Price learns stuff because that's what the gay characters are supposed to do except for Andre. Andre is a more fleshed out character due to his cousin connection with the protagonist. Dick Johnson shows up to take Price i mean Tay. I mean Price Tay, oh I've been calling him Price but the house finds out about him.



Later they go to his court hearing and the Judge is sympathetic after hearing them say that Tay is a good man that just made a mistake...at least three from the phony credit cards we saw him take out of his wallet at the beginning, maybe one was his own debit or paycheck card but he doesn't have a job. He's sentenced to community service, 5 years of probation and restitution for 30K worth of fraud, and NO JAIL TIME?! Now if he were a CEO or a white collar criminal I can see him getting off but he's a poor black guy, it would've ended in jail in real life. Price vows to help Johnson bust the guys that gave him the credit cards, the movie ends with Fish revealing that he stole Price's watch and books it out of the court room



Epilogue

This film is terrible, and the only people that seem any bit fleshed out are Price and Andre because they're family. Everyone else is just filler. It's like McKnight wrote a 2 character play and found he couldn't make a movie with just the two of them so they put a bunch of characters in so they can say they have a cast.

I give it 1 stereotypical gay out of 5

So how would I improve upon it?

One. Rework the script! Cut out the first five minutes of the film with Smiley and just pick up where Ducktape is helping them with the credit cards, replace the clerk with someone more professional and when Dick Johnson comes in and says he's Dick Johnson cut it where he says "Um, Dick Johnson just left" and cut to the house scene with the Aunt. Instead of talking about Andre just have him call and tell him that Price just walked in and "I wish he was in college like you on that football scholarship" which would have made the exposition more natural. When Johnson shows up to the Aunt's house have him say "He owes me $2,902.62 and I want my credit card refunded!" that would make the Aunt realize that he's into credit card fraud

When he gets to the Frat House, he would be greeted by someone that looks like a jock so that it wouldn't arouse suspicion of a gay fraternity. I would tone down the boas and all the nail painting until later because I want Price not to suspect anything until later. Paris could be someone that brings out coffee and he's also on a sports team. He could actually be French or bilingual having spent some time in France and wants to be a cook but is stuck being an athlete because he's equally talented at that. He could offer Price coffee when he's in the waiting room.

For a college, there doesn't appear to be a lot of studying going on or any place set up for it. After the upstairs conversation, some of the other fraternity brothers could come in and THEN we can have some of the guys with Boas come on in and the jocks could dance with them and the revelation could send him into the busting booties conversation and how come Andre didn't mention it was a gay frat

Price's attempts to get women could play into the BAPS character (not Halle Berry) and her friend somehow and when Price wants to go to the football team, he could talk to the coach instead of choking someone out.




The Coach could cut all the swearing like it's his native tongue and actually coach. Also, I would have a scene where someone from the football team has seen Price at the frat house and says "don't worry, your secret's safe with me. I'd have joined but I can't have the guys knowing about me"



So basically the homosexuality wouldn't be a punch line and maybe when Price saved Mother on the campus from three lugs that I skipped over, it could be three football players that Price knows and that could add some tension to it.

The women in the film could watch Price and the E Indian woman that likes him could ask him why he lives there and not in the dorms with the other footballers, he can offer an excuse like "There wasn't enough rooms" and get with her

Dick Johnson is a horrible character and maybe he shouldn't have been the Ahab to Moby, it was boring and when he was onscreen I felt like I was watching a cartoon character. He should've been blended with his partner, who I forgot about even being in the film.

Coming to the end of the film, Price learned something but it wasn't exactly about what he was doing, his growth was supposed to be about changing the trajectory of his life which was faintly mentioned in the defense arguments. I would have not only his frat but his football friends come to Court to vouch for him as a good man and how he is improving himself. While he wouldn't have been in class, maybe he could've learned to cook French food or something or maybe even learn how gay people are a spectrum like any other group of people

So that's my review and rework of how I would make a cringey film less cringey

What do you think of the film? Do you like the rework?