One Sided Frienships/Relationships

Hello Youtube, I hope you dig the theme for the video. I wanted to talk about one sided relationships as well as friendships. I am never afraid to go out and experience things, and I have a friend I love and respect who I wanted to do a Barbara Walters style interview with so that I could capture it and basically put it up on facebook but most of all, have it for memories. Friend said they didn’t want to do it so I wanted to know why, and he gave me a: I just don’t wanna do it. When I pressed further, there was just a: I don’t want to take it or leave it. Now, this made me pissed off because as far back as I could remember; I have been drawn into other peoples’ worlds, seeing their interests but they haven’t seen too many of mine or shrug it off without a thought. I am always the one giving because that’s what I do. In my relationship, I AM the Geek, that loyal one that gives all of himself and utmost devotion and if you don’t believe me, take it from a true geek here:  This is from one of my subscriptions GayComicGeek and he has a wonderful blog also. But when it comes to relationships and keeping people happy, I want a mutual thing that I can say: This friendship is mutually beneficial. Sometimes I stress that I am the black hole and I may be taking too much, and I voice that because when I really care about people, I want to make sure they get something out of the friendship we share.

So when things like the one sidedness comes up in especially family, it’s hard to talk about that without blowing up because I feel like the one always giving the effort. Listen to David From Six Feet Under,( who says I know, I’m the dependable one, the strong one, I keep things together that’s what I do, and everyone around me falls apart because that’s what they do)  and after I think of myself in that capacity, I feel like thisL screaming at the top of my lungs just to let the tension out)  I have a long way to go yes, we all do. But it seems like I’ll have to rid myself of these people whose only commonality I have with them is my past. I feel like the only time I get someone drawn into my world is when  I make videos because maybe that’s why I created it, so that maybe I could show my world to people and if they didn’t like a part of it they could just not watch and maybe I wouldn’t be as hurt as when people leave my life. I mean, I read in Beloved something I’d never forget: I learned to love a little bit so that when it is taken from me, I will not be destroyed.

But this is different from a boyfriend not wanting to exercise with you , but you watch things like Quantum Physics or mechanics and The Universe and he won’t even be able to sit through an Episode of InuYasha or Six Feet Under, or won’t watch Queer as Folk…well maybe it isn’t all that different because I want my friends if they are my friends to at least not run away when I say Let’s watch some Six Feet Under, or meet some of my other friends or whatever.

I guess this is why my youtube channel exists, because I wanna meet people who can have a view of me that I put out there, a positive one for the fans and the haters can go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge for all I care. IT’s just one of those things that I guess I’m going to have to have a talk about with my friend or some friends because if I can’t bring a friend into my world, why do I call them a friend?