I Used To Be Insecure...

I Used To Be Insecure...

by Spencer Hamilton on Saturday, December 17, 2011 at 12:25am
I used to be insecure
I used to be VERY insecure
I used to be ALARMINGLY insecure
I used to be insecure because I didn't see the beauty that is mine
I used to be insecure about my eyes
They weren't hazel brown like my brother's
Til I saw that through these eyes I see the world as beautiful
I used to be insecure about speaking Standard American aka 'Proper' English
I didn't fit in with the neighborhood, I spoke a different language
Then i ran into people who were different and appreciated me as me. It made me learn to express myself fully as a person
I used to be insecure about being talkative
People said I talked too much and should shut up
Then I realized that I could make shy people feel at ease and open up to me, and enjoy talking to me because I also listen
I used to be insecure about my lips
Other kids would call me fish lips and shame me
Until I realized that people lusted after my lips and when I kiss my boyfriend, he would not mistake my lips for that of another
I used to be insecure about my weight
I'd be called Tubby, ugly, nerdy with glasses, I dressed in a way to hide it
Then I realized it was a number that could climb down and fitness was my goal
I used to be insecure about being a big guy
They'd call me HUUUUGGGGEEE! and Big Man. I hated it
Til I realized I'm supposed to be a big guy, with a heart and a mouth to match. That when I hold my man in my arms, he will feel safe
I used to be insecure about being gay
I'd hear fag sermons--or stray comments that felt like fag sermons--and hate myself
Til I realized that I am beautiful and this part of me deserves expression in its fullest form
I used to be insecure about my hips
I'd have questions about whether I was a guy or girl because I had 'man boobs'
Until I realized that some recognize me by it (my walk) making it mine
I used to be insecure about being me
I'd be called ugly, fat, disgusting.
But like the one they send to the kitchen when company comes, despite that I ate, and became beautiful, handsome, and strong among men.

And they were ashamed

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