Ditching Condoms in Long Term Relationships
Hello All,
I am giving some thoughts on barebacking. Barebacking is simply having sex without condoms. Now, for a straight couple that means a baby in 9 months, in gay men it means HIV/AIDS, now I know lesbians get it too and straight people get it as well, but the fact is that when guys come out, I believe HIV becomes more of a thought than it would if you were straight. I remember sitting down with Darryl saying: I don't think white guys think about HIV often. He replied: I think about HIV and I'm white, to which I replied: It's because you're gay. Now, I have to admit that sometimes hanging out at a health center, I am paranoid a bit even though I'm careful and get tested regularly. In my relationship we don't use condoms, and have been completely faithful to one another. So, that begs a question that many gay couples ask: When is the time that it is okay to go 'raw' during a relationship.
My opinion is this: Use condoms, and when it gets to that time (at least 1 year, it was a little sooner in my relationship) that you feel it is time to ditch them, get tested and then 3 months later, get tested again. There is the window period in which HIV antibodies aren't detected if the infection is recent. I can imagine the ire of a doctor who is hearing that a couple decided to go without condoms and then they get tested and are told they are poz, next, they look at the partner and sees that they were in fact tested poz months or years later. Deception and/or omission about your status is never okay. It is best to be honest so that you can protect yourself and others.
I feel that if the proper precautions are taken, and you are both honest about yourselves, relationships and sexual habits, I would green light it. Yet the fact is: Can you trust them? If you have any reservations, it's best to say: No, I want to continue using condoms and there are places like Evergreen Center that will help you talk about condoms with your partner (s), and have sex positive instruction that will help you make good decisions. Also, if they stick you inside them and you're not prepared, it is best to get them off of you. That happened to me once and I said: No, you gotta put one on, and that line once drawn has to stay. A lot of these are easier said than done, but you have to take charge of your health and wellness.
That's my two cents
I am giving some thoughts on barebacking. Barebacking is simply having sex without condoms. Now, for a straight couple that means a baby in 9 months, in gay men it means HIV/AIDS, now I know lesbians get it too and straight people get it as well, but the fact is that when guys come out, I believe HIV becomes more of a thought than it would if you were straight. I remember sitting down with Darryl saying: I don't think white guys think about HIV often. He replied: I think about HIV and I'm white, to which I replied: It's because you're gay. Now, I have to admit that sometimes hanging out at a health center, I am paranoid a bit even though I'm careful and get tested regularly. In my relationship we don't use condoms, and have been completely faithful to one another. So, that begs a question that many gay couples ask: When is the time that it is okay to go 'raw' during a relationship.
I feel that if the proper precautions are taken, and you are both honest about yourselves, relationships and sexual habits, I would green light it. Yet the fact is: Can you trust them? If you have any reservations, it's best to say: No, I want to continue using condoms and there are places like Evergreen Center that will help you talk about condoms with your partner (s), and have sex positive instruction that will help you make good decisions. Also, if they stick you inside them and you're not prepared, it is best to get them off of you. That happened to me once and I said: No, you gotta put one on, and that line once drawn has to stay. A lot of these are easier said than done, but you have to take charge of your health and wellness.
That's my two cents
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